Yes, You Can Sit With Us!

Employees want to feel they belong but having an organised onboarding and a detailed job spec is not enough. What can help them to find their place in a working environment? Let's find out!

The hardest part in the writing process is to let yourself be guided by the impulse of expressing your ideas without any judgement to finish the first sentence with a firm full stop. Done.

The hardest thing in life, however, is to lose someone, knowing that you will never see them again. We are led to believe that the main lesson in the grieving process is to re-evaluate our priorities and ensure we spend enough time with whoever is alive. So, does it mean that avoiding regrets at all costs is the best way to go through life?

I don’t know, but in today’s society, regrets are seen as a feeling we shouldn’t put up with.

However, they do help us to reflect on words that remain unsaid, secrets we keep and behaviour that traps us in a role that we might not have chosen.

When going through the loss of a loved one, you realise that the cycle of life is the only thing that remains permanent. As the chaos fades away, magically the natural order of things becomes more evident.

Like many expats, I am regularly asked if I will be coming “home” for good; London is after all just a city where people are interchangeable, like an airport with overworked people who come and go.

A few days after my grandmother’s funeral, my father and I had a coffee in the middle of Brussels city. “What is it about London that you like so much? It’s too expensive, it’s not human, … Allez-dis, tell me what it is? ” he asked with his sharp and bouncy Arabic accent.

How do you answer that question when the dynamic of your family has been reshaped? It would have been much easier to answer this during my application to become British.

Was it the food? The mould in the flat? The ever-increasing oyster card fees? The night bus connections? The work culture?

I almost felt like I was in swanky auction, trying to put in the highest bid for a painting that I probably didn’t care about. Out of breath and energy to bid, I simply said “People in the UK know how to queue”.

This nonsensical answer made him think I’d had too much coffee, or I was still in a state of shock, and to be honest I felt the same way too.

Fifteen years in the city and my ultimate retort, the only USP, the best punchline I could come with up was “queuing”. Shame on me!

Anyway, we changed the topic and carried away our conversation, comme si de rien n’était.

The next day, I had a sudden craving for freshly baked bread. Just as I was about to have an epiphany about yesterday’s Freudian slip, the baker took my order, skipping a posh middle-aged woman who was there before me in the process and starting a rather boring and overly emotional squabble; chillout it’s just bread!

Queuing brings peace and harmony, but if you look at the bigger picture, it can do more than that. Whether at work, in your personal life, or simply standing in queue, we all want to be at the right place and most importantly we all want to have our place. But why is it so vital for our personal growth, and how can it impact, damage and build who we are and who we can become?

From the moment you were born, your place in your family has determined the role and responsibilities that you receive willingly or not. The eldest, who has to lead by example, play by the rules, and be the rock when parents are falling apart. The spoiled youngest sibling, who is allowed too often to screw things up and getting away with it. And, not forgetting the middle child who is, funnily enough, over-shadowed as they play the conciliator between their siblings.

Now, it would be lame to say that because you are the eldest or the youngest you behave in a certain way at work, or have specific qualities that will determine your professional success or failure. That would be too easy, and I don’t do easy!

Nevertheless, how you interact with others in your life depends on the answers to those very simple questions: Were you given your place in your family? Did you take someone else’s place? Were you force to take a place that was not yours? Did you refuse to take your place because you didn’t want to overshadow someone?

Think a little bit, I am sure things might come into place, no pun intended.

The subject of “the place” is not immutable. Depending on life events such as bereavements or the discovery of your parents extra-conjugal history, your role within your family could be reshuffled whether you like it or not.

So yes, your place in your family plays a determinant part in who you are and how you will interact with others until your very last breath.

Interestingly, the most challenging times I had to endure in my career was generally connected to the idea of people not knowing their place in the company and wanting a different one. This includes me too by the way.

Therefore, does calling a performance review a ‘difficult conversation’, the only moment when an employee can see his or her position and salary to be reviewed, make sense or not?

What do those HR experts and work culture consultants think people work for? The logo of the company? The Xmas party or the occasional free drinks after work, (which doesn’t seem to happen thank you CV19)? With current inflation, you bet your sorry arse employees will ask for more money. So no, it is not a ‘difficult conversation’ - it is legitimate one.

However, let’s not be unnecessarily controversial and let’s be honest. Those meetings can get heated, especially if the Manager is not ready to handle the avalanche of emotions attached to money such as frustration, a sense of injustice and the thirst to reach a higher societal status. While some managers focus mainly on finding business evidence to back up a promotion, they might not hear their direct reports screaming silently “Can you give me the place I deserve? “.

As more money allows us to pay our increasing bills on time, it surely does validate the place we have been longing for.

What can companies do to help employees find their place?

1. Adding the company organigram in the job description

A comprehensive job description that clearly outlines the key responsibilities, tasks, and expectations a new role is key. Although qualifications and skills required are important, including the line management structure within the organisation can make a difference. Not adding the reason why the role is needed and the expectations during the probation period are often ignored, and can lead to serious misunderstanding, which then leads to some frustrations or poor talent retention at worst. The Job spec serves as a reference point for both the hiring process and ongoing performance assessments.

2. Developing well-structured onboarding programmes

Implementing a well-structured onboarding programme is crucial to orient new employees and provide them with a clear understanding of their roles. During onboarding, companies can conduct comprehensive orientation sessions that cover not only the specific duties of the role but also the broader organisational structure, values, and culture.

3. Regular performance feedback and goal setting

Although I am not mister ‘New Year’s Resolutions’ in my personal life, it is important however to set up regular one-to-ones, to provide and receive feedback and to also track goals and objectives. This involves setting clear expectations at the beginning of employment and conducting regular check-ins to discuss progress. By providing constructive feedback and aligning individual goals with broader company objectives, employees gain a clearer understanding of how their contributions can have an impact.

Now, I could go over the best onboarding best practices, but I am sure others will do a better job.

However, I know it is harder to be spontaneous with new joiners and open up to them when you have been in an organisation for many years. It is very easy to stick with our old habits; eating the same pasta salad, drowned with the same unhealthy dressing, with the same colleagues.

I also know that inviting someone new to join you for lunch is one of the best gifts you can give, because it allows them to know that there is place for them, full stop.

To my Grand Mother, Christine (Rabeby).

NOTES

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